i am rather shocked today. i was innocently surfing about (wishing there was some actual sea involved)  and came across several lists of stupid 999 calls and, of course, i immediately wanted to share this idiocy with my six readers. so here we go with my top ten in no particular order.

Caller: My wife’s left me two salmon sandwiches which was left over from last night… and I’m a sat in the chair here and she’s out there decorating. She won’t put any food on or anything for anybody, I don’t know what….

Caller: Hello… I know this is gonna sound stupid but a pigeon’s been run over… and I’ve got no money to phone the RSPCA or anything…

Caller: I want to know what year the internet first came out I can’t remember.

Caller: Hi. I’m next to the M32, city centre… there’s an M32 city centre sign. Can you inform Animal Rescue that there’s a grey squirrel with no hazelnut trees please.”

Caller: The emergency is… I am at Lockleaze… and I would like to get home…

Caller: There’s no emergency except that there are no buses in Crow Lane…

Caller: Well, I don’t know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a turkey? I?ve never cooked one before.

Caller: I’m in Huntingdon, looking for Homebase and I can’t find it.

Caller: “I’ve dropped the remote down the back of the settee and I need someone to change the television channel.”

Caller:“I’ve had a dream that I was unconscious and I’ve just collapsed.”

while it’s generally very amusing to poke fun at the foolishness of people, i am disturbed that people with genuine emergencies often complain about not being able to get through to 999. what am i supposed to do next time there’s a spider in the bath?

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About bad mathematics

bad mathematics are an unsigned, unappreciated, unpaid, unrepentant band from athens, greece. we are always being asked what kind of music we play and we finally settled on a new genre called psychoblues™. it came from the title of one of our songs and it suits us just fine.

4 responses »

  1. tamzinaki says:

    some people shouldn’t be granted emergency services … there’s a lot to be said for natural selection …

    ps: i can never remember my visa PIN number. i wonder if the nice people at the emergency services can help me …

  2. Shooshoobeleza says:

    Very silly, silly people. Except the one calling about the squirrel. Squirrels are important.

  3. i can never remember my visa PIN number. i wonder if the nice people at the emergency services can help me

  4. some people shouldn’t be granted emergency services … there’s a lot to be said for natural selection

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